In Search of Sully.

Man.

I hate that my mind is still stuck on this. It is so overdue, and I am past the little empty emotions that this situation brought. I hold on to some things, though. I have every reason to let go - move on - learn from this... and to an extent, I have. But why can't I have the same power switch embedded in my brain to turn off my feelings, emotions, thoughts, memories, blahh, blahh, etc.
Why must I be so... human? If I were just another, superficial guy... I wouldn't have these issues. I think that without this, though, I'd be a douche. I'm not a DOUCHE - nor will I ever be one. I want my stomach and my face to stop getting all hot when I read/hear that you're actually moving on... unlike me. I try! Honestly, I am always looking forward to never looking back, but everything is harder for me. My brain, especially. It doesn't know how to function properly, I'm convinced.

I am psycho jawn #12526. I say this because I KNOW I am not the only person in the world with these feelings. I have a lot of bad habits, and boys can become them, too. Therefore, overcoming them isn't always easy, and I am experiencing that. I just want it to all go away, just to know how it feels to have a heart free of regret, disdain, rejection, misunderstandings, and hopeless romanticism. Gosh, I hate my guts.

So tonight, I'll make it without you. Of course... but I want to be able to say that without lying to myself, or forcing the words out of me. I want that shit to pass, because evidently, this feeling is far from mutual, and that's the worst part. I do know how detrimental this "dwelling" shit is, but I only dwell when I'm alone. If I'm occupied, it won't cross my mind. But when it does, it's rough. Crash landing type thing- and I just want a Sully Sullivan to save me, even when it seems improbable. That's all I need.

In fact, screw the douche who ruined my flight. I just need the person to make it better. That'll do it. Now, I'm gonna sleep this off. I love blogging.

Btw, Sully is Liz's best friend on my faaaaaavorite MTV reality series: My Life as Liz. He was the dorky best friend who had a major crush on her, but didn't find the courage to tell her. Despite this, he was an awesome friend and always looked out for her. He was the shit for that, and so this almost has a double meaning. Not almost. It does.

Did I mention she took him to prom? ^_^

-IJ

We Become Legendary — Everything We Dreamed Of...

I feel so relieved! I did well today during my speech, and although I am running unopposed, I felt that doing a great speech was absolutely necessary. I had an insane case of stage fright for the longest time. I am really a shy person, deep down inside. However, I felt amazing after my speech—I felt like I could do anything if I wanted to. My brother inspired me in SO many ways, and today was just another example of how much I admire him. He gave me ALL of these pointers, lol. And it worked! It helped me so much today.

So where do I go from here? I got a call today from a woman at St. Albans! They want to hear from me and confirm everything.
SUPER IRONIC, as I typed this first part ^, I decided to call her back. No answe so, I started to send her an e-mail, and then she called me back, and St. Albans JUST got my forms. NOTE, I sent them 4 weeks ago!! You can check the blog.. during Spring Break! -_- I really don't know what happened buttt, it sucks A LOT. I'd hate to not get enough money because of this. I want to go to this program SO badly.

Well, I am okay. Just a little concerned about my summer now. However, I have to remain focused. I have been getting a little distracted lately. Silly me, I know. But I feel good about a lot of things. Includinggggg.. yeah. Him, too. He's making my week a little bit better everyday now, AND I LOVE IT.

My future seems hella bright. Lol, I'm just hoping that it only gets brighter. Now that the majority of my issues are resolved, I have to just wait things out. Prom is soon. My application to the Yardley Commons place is in, and I'm just waiting on that. My finals are coming up, but that's IT. After that, this Junior year will be gone, and you don't even know how excited I am! YAAAAAAAY. It was successful, and Senior year will only get better. Gotta Thank God for everything.

Maybe no one will ever understand why I love this song so much. It puts me somewheree else — a place where this song could actually come true. Lol, I wish; story of my life. I want someone to prove everythingggg wrong. Before, everything that I imagined was him. Okay, well, I didn't dream of having the perfect-Filipino-boyfriend, lol, but that didn't make any difference to me. I just wanted someone to understand me, and accept me for me, no matter what.

But no one is perfect. Even if one tries to be. I know I'm imperfect. I admit to it everyday, and I own up to all of my shit. Yet, I get the SORRIEST explanations as to why I'm not good enough. AH, whatever. I'm like, you crazy. IalreadyknowI'mtoofllyyyyyy.
Quit fronting on me, people. lolllll.

Lol, So I'll post both songs. Prototype & Punch Drunk Love. They're only a song apart on my iPod. Coincidental, I guess.

OKAY! I'm gone. Sit tight, I might give a Prom sneak peak! Lol, not that serious, so I might as well, right?

-IJ

You Are the Prototype — still.

Well, I had to update. It has been over a week andddd, I AM SO HAPPY THAT AP CHEM IS OVER. My exam was today, and it was not fun, at all. However, it is ovahhh. Yeeeuhhhh. Time to focus on another phase. ie: Getting my job soon, getting my prom stuff, Student Government elections, and SUMMER IN D.C.!

Yippie, I'm running for President unopposed, lol. So, I will be President next year for sure. I am quite pleased. Running against someone isn't important to me. Doing what I need to do as President, however, is my goal amongst all other things. Um, I'll be hella busy with all of that. It is mandatory to become the student member on the Board of Education as President of Student Gov, and I already know who I'm choosing as for the second member - Seany G! Lol, or Sean. One of my better friends. Also helps that his Dad is on the BOE already, lmao. That's a pretty good look. The point is, I have to be at EVERY board meeting. Demanding? Quite. Impossible? Never. Worthwhile? Of course. I will be learning a lot from the whole experience. Going to St. Albans School of Public Service this summer is also a VERY good look for me. It will definitely put me where I need to be, and give me a lot of insight and knowledge in public policy. Bossy? I know. LOL.

In addition to this madness, I'm trying to fit in time for sports, and a steady j-0-b. I'm hunting now, so we'll see what happens. I get easily frustrated with job applications. I NEVER get called back! Of course, I follow up and all of that, but nothing ever goes through. Nonetheless, I'm determined to get shit done, no matter what. I will be getting a job, SOON. Bossy? I knowww, I knowww. lol!

Today was not the best day. I felt like 30 different ways ALL at once, lol. I was frustrated, upset, confuseddd, apathetic, nostalgic, and so many other mixed feelings that I just didn't feel like explaining to anyone. I would sound crazy...

The Chem test was very overwhelming. After that was over, I felt SO empty. Lol, mentally and emotionally. I wanted everything after that to just go smoothly. Basically, I wanted things to happen MY way. They didn't, as usual. Lmao, the WORST part about it is that I get upset as if someone let me down... but, I come up with these conclusions in my mind, and I get my OWN hopes up. In the fantasy world in my mind, lol, things happen so perfectly. My expectations are insane. When people don't live up to them, I look at them funny, as if they KNEW what I wanted them to do. Yet, I expect people to know what I want without telling them...

I miss how things were BEFORE the insignificance became the most important part of my relationship with him. He let me down, and I couldn't believe that it happened the way it did. I still wish that none of it ever happened... It changed me in SO many ways. Now, I look at life as if everyone has the same twisted image of equality. And then this question arises — AM I JUST NOT WORTH IT TO YOU?

I hate this whole story, and I hate how it affected me. I have never been so offended and unappreciated in my life. Thanks, a lot... but don't worry, I looooove being a black girl, lmao. I LOVE who I am. I hate that I am selfish, and I'll admit to that. That's a character flaw that I CAN change. But I could never change my identity, my race, my culture, my family, or my intrinsic ability to love unconditionally. So yea, if you can't be unconditional, you are a complete waste of time. 8 months to be exact..

Ah, so I just caught myself venting.. lol. But this is what it's for, pretty much. My life, and everything that I will never get a chance to say or explain to anyone. It alllll comes here, whenever I get the opportunity to post. Blogging is super cooool! Lol.

Sidebar, It's funny when people come back into your life just to remind you of how far off you were back then. This person will never read this, but nigga you are stoooopid. Like, what did you do? Bang your face against the keyboard when you sent that nutty ass message? Honestly, you won't ever get that far with me again in yo' life. So keep that shit movin'. I'll talk to you when I talk to you... lmao. Butttt, we can still have lunch, dinner, or see a movieeeeee — your treat. lmao! No, that tops it all. THAT was bossy. Lol, call it what you want. I'm actually feeling a lot better than I felt earlier. Lol, so yeaaaa this week should be interesting...

-IJeezy.

System Overload.

I feel like... hm.
What am I really searching for at this point? No clue... but I know I'm trying to find something. I feel so content, and then I start thinking... like "would I be happier if...?" So it's starting to come down to IF. I hateeee 'if'.

Okay, besides that. I don't know if I'm wrong for all of this. I hate that the person who I felt the closest to is so far gone. He is truly somewhere else, and when I try to figure out where he is, or how he got out there, it's pointless. Mind you, my attempts to 'be there' for this person is not for me, at all. I am not doing any of this in vain. However, all of my consideration means nothing to this person. So what I can do besides walk away from it all? I have no problem with doing that, but I hate looking at him knowing that he is so far from the person that I loved him for. I have nothing else to give at this point. I mean, I do, but I can't. I am happy that he is alive & well, and I wish him the best of luck for the future (God bless!)... but I think I have decided that I will not stick around to see how things turn for him. No one could ever truly understand the relationship I had with this person. We know each other better than anyone in this world. That's why I feel this way.

Dramaaaaa. Lol, it deters everything. If I'm in any of it, see how quickly I come out of it. You honestly think that I will stay in a situation that will result in drama? No? You're so right! Think about it... it will get me NO WHERE. It will get THEM NO WHERE, and if you think I'm willing to put myself in drama for one person—you are stoooopiddddd, lmao, and you must not know me too well. So, for the record, I'm not with any of it. You can count me out. Basically, I will always stay true to myself. I will not change to accommodate anyone. Now, I wanna make something clear about that. When I recognize that something is better than what I was doing before, I will adjust for ME—to better myself. However, I am not going to switch up my basic morals to stay in the picture. I am not going to fight for attention, I am not going to show my ass, I am not going to sway my beliefs. If I am worth it to you, it would be a really good idea to let ME know. Otherwise, I will try to interpret things and fix myself on these ideas, which are never really accurate, lmao, but that's what I do when I know NOTHING. I try to figure it out myself! And frankly, so does everyone else. Okay soooo, lol. I just want to know where I am in the picture... if I am even IN the picture, lmao. No hard feelings if I'm not. It's all love over here! And if it has to be like that, well... idk. Unlike other people, I will live—with or without this person. We all have our problems. Blah, blah. ifi'minthewaythenletmeknowwww, lol. Simple as that.
YOU DIGGG?!? lmao, in case you didn't know, I'm hood in real life. Like, fuhrill doe.

Lmao, on a lighter note. Since I haven't blogged in a minute—school has been quite demanding—I'm still trying see what's up for the rest of my life. Lmao. Seriously... I have like so much to decide within the upcoming months. College apps are about to get real serious. I take SATs again. I'm starting look at scholarship jawns. I'm about fail my AP test.. lol. AH, don't remind me. Speaking of which I have to get to wizzork. I have some stuff to do, and I need to shower... lmao! Okay, byeeee niggas. SOKEEPYOURLOVELOCKEDDOWN.

Michael Jackson is KING of this shit! Seriously.


-IJ

A Certain Lust for Life.

Weird fact about me...

I love cutting my own hair. I get this strange satisfaction in seeing hair all over my bathroom sink, and after I'm done, I don't really care how short my hair is afterwards. It's just, "bye bye split ends," and then I'm happy. Yay. NO, it isn't this drastic, so don't get all in my face about it. I just love Kelis. Always have. Her haircuts are the dopest ON HER. If I had the balls, I'd so cut it this short, but I don't, so I'll just put her face up here.

I have to sweep & mop my bathroom and my kitchen before like 6. So that should be tons of fun. But anyway...Well, right now, everything is almost perfect. It will never be perfect, so I'm not complaining, but things seem to be going my way lately. Honor Roll, damn near straight A's. Ugh, I want them so bad! Just one B. But Q4 should definitely be straight A's... My AP test is coming soon, and after that, my AP Chem class is completely over. Yaaay. And right now, all we're doing is review, so there isn't anything to grade us on. Lol, so yea. I'm excited that this year is almost at its end.

"Some People Hate", Jay-Z. It's on the Gift & the Curse. That song describes how things are for me right now. At this point in my life, I make a lot of my own decisions, and I try not to stick too close to anyone. A lot of people would LOVE to see me fail. A lot of people would love to see me unhappy. Ironically, some of them are my "friends". I live for it, though. Seriously. I love when people have something negative to say to me in all of my glory, lol. Sounds weird, but when I'm doing really well and I'm excelling past everyone around me, people look at me funny, as if I'm not allowed to do well. Well, pay attention world: I AM NOT AN UNDERACHIEVER, so I guess everyone will have to get used to that.

Here's the thing, though. I will always be humble and modest about my own success. I never try to blurt it out or brag. Yet, I alwayssssss notice that people will try to brag PURPOSELY about something they've achieved. And I'm like.. GREAT JOB! I'm SO happy for you. SIKE.

I don't care, I still don't care, and I'll never acknowledge you or congratulate you when you're being pompous & arrogant. Clown. I will never do that whole bragging thing, so don't worry, you could never say I am being hypocritical about all of this. I don't expect anyone (in school) to care about what's going on in my life, what I've been doing throughout this school year, or how hard I've been working. So I'll leave it at that.

Everything is still great though. On to another topic, just for me to get my thoughts out. Lately, I've been feeling like... soon, I'll forget about it all. I'll forget about everything that I thought I would never forget. Just as the days go by, I'm going along with them, and there is nothing that's slowing me down from moving on. So what do I do? I keep going until something stops me. If nothing does, I'll keep going. Simple. I'm in a weird position though. I can think that everything is how it should be, but I'm never sure. Yes, he tells me everything, and I love that & I appreciate that a lot, but sometimes I do feel a certain way about EIGHT other people being in the picture. Most of the time, I understand. But I feel like I'm always trying to figure shit out. Like, today. I'm like, wait wha? When did that happen? Am I missing something?

I never gave him that whole "you do you" thing... but I think he gave me that before. Ugh. So where am I? ...I guess I'm in the middle of it all. Exactly where I didn't want to be, lol. Do I really want to forget about everything from the past at this point? I'd like to, and I am starting to. But sometimes, I feel like just another one the girls who's fighting back & forth for his attention. No, I'm not fighting for any attention. I'd never do that, it's really not my style, but I guess it would be nice if he could prove that wrong for me, so that I could REALLY forget about going back to what I thought was right.

I'm done now. I have to go clean up before my Mom gets here. Yippieeee. My non-stop song is currently - a Drake song. I KNOW! lol, Lame & typical, OF COURSE. But, seriously, I love it. Lissteennn!





"They tryna shoot down my flight, before it lands ... but you can miss me for all that."





-IJ

Pretty Spring Days with White Castle.

—today exemplifies just that. It's like a good 70 or so with a little breeze. Yaaay. I loveee stuff like that. I should have went to Bellmawr beach with my Mom, but I went to the movies with my homeboy Pavan andddd now I'm trying to see what's up for later. OMG, she's bringing home WHITE CASTLE!! I know, I'm soooooooooo stoked. (NOTE: I'VE ACTUALLY HAD WHITE CASTLE BEFORE; WE USED TO GO LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY. NO EXAGGERATION! lol.) No, I have never seen the entire Harold & Kumar jawn, but believe it or not, White Castle actually existed before the movie came out. Crazy, right?!?! I KNOW.

Best Saturday Afternoon everr, lol. Hopefully it gets better.

I think I'll spend the next hour doing homework. About that whole "not doing work on Sundays" thing? Lmao, I'm a fraud. I know I'll be doing HW all day tomorrow. Oh welllll, procrastination is my third middle name. Don't even ASK what the other two are... lmao, i have a love-hate thing with those stupid names.

I'm in a good mood, probably because I accomplished a lot after all this week. I can't wait until school is over with. There's only 1/4 left of my Junior year. HELL yes. It was hard, I must admit. I'm just glad that I worked hard, because I know it should pay off. Yaay.

So that's pretty much it. I'm happy with everyone in my life. Time to work. I might post something a little later... I just might. Oh, and I love this song now, thanks to Matt. Yaay, lol.

Sat(t)elite - Charles Hamilton

-IJ

Find A Way.

"I get mad when I don't get my way. I also get mad when I cannot find a way to get somewhere. Suckishhhh. I have things to do today, but I guarantee that these things won't get done. I've been home alone allll week, and it isn't really cracked up to what it's supposed to be."
-IJ 4.16.09

Well, the other day started off suckish, but it ended pretty nice. I got cake!! lol, but I think I want more. It's realllly good. Spent time with the people that I've been trying to spend time with alllll week, so that's something accomplished, I suppose. Yesterday was... lame too. As beautiful as it was outside, I went no where. Shame on me. I hate this. Spring Break doesn't mean shit if you can't go where ever you want whenever you want. As bad as it sounds—I'D RATHER BE IN SCHOOL FOR ALL THAT. But I did stand outside talking to my best friend until like 1 AM. She is hilarious! yaaaay.

So today, I'm DEFINITELY getting my hair done. I have to. So I'm glad. My week was uneventful, unproductive, and idk... ultimately, LAME. It's time to snap out of this lethargic dream that I've been living in since last Thursday, though. I have to get some of this stuff done - schoolwork that is. There's nothing really to work on besides AP History, AP Chem, and some of this music. YAY. I'm going to get everything done hopefully by tomorrow. I officially hate doing work on Sundays, lol. It always feels like it'll take forever to finish. I want to enjoy my last weekday of Spring Break, though.

When it comes to who I truly want, I can't have my way, of course. I have to take into consideration everything that has happened thus far. In retrospect, I think I've ruined everything with my own selfishness; aside from all of the other stuff. Now, I feel as if everything should be the way that I want it to be—how it SHOULD be—but for the sake of becoming unselfish, I guess, I have to act like I'm okay with how it is. Well, no. I never act like anything. In fact, I remind you a lot, and you remind me too. But am I selfish for wanting you to grow some balls, & just be real with yourself and those around you? Okay, "life's not fair," blah, blah, blah, whatever, but if you feel the way that you say you do, you would do it... eventually. Maybe I'm just looking for it too soon. If it happens, you know I'm here. If it doesn't, I'll still be here. I'd just like to think that it'll happen someday—yeah, yeah. Wishful thinking. But, (back to being selfish, lol) in the words of Ryan Leslie, I shouldn't have to wait (good song!).

All of that doesn't really matter to anyone besides me. I just think about it a lot.. I do wonder if things will ever change. but eh. I have to look at what's in front of me. I kinda wonder whether or not it's REALLY in front of me. It seems so temporary, probably because everything is always temporary for that person. So now, I'm kinda out on a limb, and sometimes I think I should be pulling myself away from all of it. But usually, I'm content with everything, so I just don't mind at all. Either way, drama is GAY & I've never liked it, and I'm not about to start acting like I do. I won't say "just leave me out of it," because that's lame, but idk. Maybe it isn't the right time for us to talk. It might just be easier for you if you get rid of the lame ass girls in your life, including myself. Lmao, sucks.. because I'm serious. Leave it alone and focus on you. I hate that you can never really do that.

Well, I'm done. Time to get dressed. Missy's supposed to come like 11. So, until next time. And hey, I want to keep playing this song overr and overrr. I'm not a stripper... lmao, but I do love this. "Throw your ones up in the aiirrrr for herrrr,"








-IJ

Chocolate Rain.

My day is really suckish so far. I misplaced my wallet, so I couldn't even walk to the salon if I wanted to. Then, more rain. Meaning, if I were to get anything done to my hair, it would get ruined as soon as I stepped outside (exaggerating a bit).

So in the words of Matt, "fckkk my lifeee," lmao.
IT'S ONLY FUNNY BECAUSE I ALWAYS TELL HIM NOT TO SAY IT.
SOUNDS TERRIBLE, RIGHT?

Well, I am pretty down about all of this. I feel as though I'm wasting another day. Hopefully things will get better when Matt gives me my cake. (: lol, Can you believed that he baked a chocolate cake last night, and promised me an entire half of it? Too sweet, right?! I know, I couldn't believe it either. I mean, prefer vanilla cake over chocolate any day... but it's the thought that counts. LMAO.

So there it is. My day is not perfect, but the little things are what truly matter. I woke up this morning, I'm alive, and I'm getting baked goods later. It's minor, but people usually fail to appreciate the 'insignificance' of everyday life. It might not make much sense to you, but I see it as irony. These things seem so unimportant compared to 'what's really going on' throughout the day, but without waking up, we CAN'T go through the good or bad occurrences. Being alive is all that should matter, butttt it isn't, lol. Face it, teenagers don't understand what's really important. Never have, never will. But yea, I'll appreciate today either way.

Now, I think I'll use this free time to start on some of my schoolwork. I haven't touched my book bag since last Thursday. My books are like collecting dust, andddd I think I forgot how to hold a pencil, lmfao (SUCKS, CUS I'M KINDA SERIOUS). Lindenwold Board of Education, why does spring break have to end?

-IJ

Morning Walk?

I would say 'Good Morning', but my day hasn't started off too great. I have to get my hair done, and I'm probably going to have to WALK. My ride cancelled on me. Ugh, I know.

Honestly, I don't know where I got this whole "I'm too worthy to walk anywhere" mentality from. It's so lame, and I really hate that I'm like that at times. It prevents me from just doing regular 16 year old shit, LIKE WALKING PLACES. If I have to walk to get somewhere, I will tell myself no. Anddd, I will actually make myself not want to go there, simply because it requires me to walk. GAY as shit. (No offense!)

I think I have an idea of where I get it from. Besides the fact that I got rides everywhere sophomore year (because my best friends were seniors), and almost all of junior year, (because my boyfriend drove), I am OBSESSED with driving. Well, obsessed sounds weird, sooo I'll just say I'm in love with driving. I love love love it.

Example: My mailbox is like maybe one minute walking distance from my house (or apartment), and everytime I check the mailbox, I HAVE to drive there. It takes literally 30 seconds. But I lovee it! lmao.

So yeah. It's super gay that I have to walk to this salon. I'm so lazy that I'd rather NOT go, than to walk there. But, I can't look this bummy forever & as much as I hate to walk places, I hate looking shitty forever, lol. So, I'll suck it up. Off I go.

Hey, KanYe & Amber Rose can walk! lol:

Good Morning - Kanye West

-IJ

Just a thought...

How do I really feel about everything right now?

Hm. Well, I have a lot on my plate. School is almost over, but it isn't over yet. I need to learn a lot of music for band, and I haven't even started. I need to study for the AP exam coming up like asap. I have to figure out how I'm going to get $5,000 in order to go to St. Albans this summer. I need to get a prom dress soon. And I have NO job. And I guess you can say I'm still dealing with a break-up.

AP exam for Chem. UGH! I'm already nervous. But I'm just going to study hard. I can't bitch out now, I'm already done the class. It's just the test I have to worry about. And I guess you can say I've done okay in the class so far...

So idk.. it's hard to say what will happen. But I really want to do well, and the pressure is on. Just gotta do it.

I know, you're probably wondering what St. Albans is. Well, St. Albans is a private school in Washington D.C. . I applied to a summer program there, the School of Public Service, and I got accepted, which is AMAZING. I cried, lol. So, I'll be in Washington D.C. from June 21st to July 18th learning about government, politics, public policy, and all of that. It is like the biggest honor. So I'm preparing—reading the paper everyday, trying to become extremely informed so that I can make the most out of my experience there. This sounds great right? Well, it costs like $5,000, and I'm hoping and PRAYING that the financial aid will cover. I'll probably get money from the school, but if not it'll be tough. So this whole money crisis is quite stressful, and my mom does an excellent job at reminding me how I don't have a job everyday. Trust me, I've tried to get one, but no one wants me! lmao. It's kinda not funny though. Ugh.

Prom? Ugh, I'm not excited for it as much. I have no clue what I'm wearing. My date is like SO not filling me in, and I'm almost 90% sure that I will just say eff it and go alone. It is too much to even stress over. So yea, as of just now, lmao, I am dateless, dressless, and clueless when it comes to this Prom stuff. Don't worry, I don't need a date. Not that big of a deal, and I'm not dying to get a date. I wanted one, and no one asked me, so I asked my ex-boyfriend. He goes to college in North Carolina, so I think it'll be too much for him & me.

Break-up? Hm. It isn't really recent, but things change all of the time. Me & Bonvincent broke up February 15th, and we're still going back & forth. I don't want to get into detail, but basically, we both don't know what we really want. As of right now, I'm okay with how everything is between us, and I'm not going to lie about that. But I'm still doing my own thing, no matter what happens between us. I've made up my mind, and I have to do things for me. I am talking to someone, and I reaaaallllyyy like talking to that person. I'm not willing to risk the relationship I have with him because of Bonvincent's confusion. However, I am willing to love Bon no matter what happens. He has been my best friend for a year, probably the best friend I've ever had, and I couldn't abandon one of my best friends.

Haha—that reminded me of that catchy & annoying Drake song, "Best I Ever Had". I keep listening to it... pretty weird:

Best I Ever Had - Drake

So this is where I am right now. I did pretty well on my SATs, and I am very relieved (1650). I have a lot to be excited about and I have a lot to focus on.
Hard work. No excuses.
-IJ