Find A Way.

"I get mad when I don't get my way. I also get mad when I cannot find a way to get somewhere. Suckishhhh. I have things to do today, but I guarantee that these things won't get done. I've been home alone allll week, and it isn't really cracked up to what it's supposed to be."
-IJ 4.16.09

Well, the other day started off suckish, but it ended pretty nice. I got cake!! lol, but I think I want more. It's realllly good. Spent time with the people that I've been trying to spend time with alllll week, so that's something accomplished, I suppose. Yesterday was... lame too. As beautiful as it was outside, I went no where. Shame on me. I hate this. Spring Break doesn't mean shit if you can't go where ever you want whenever you want. As bad as it sounds—I'D RATHER BE IN SCHOOL FOR ALL THAT. But I did stand outside talking to my best friend until like 1 AM. She is hilarious! yaaaay.

So today, I'm DEFINITELY getting my hair done. I have to. So I'm glad. My week was uneventful, unproductive, and idk... ultimately, LAME. It's time to snap out of this lethargic dream that I've been living in since last Thursday, though. I have to get some of this stuff done - schoolwork that is. There's nothing really to work on besides AP History, AP Chem, and some of this music. YAY. I'm going to get everything done hopefully by tomorrow. I officially hate doing work on Sundays, lol. It always feels like it'll take forever to finish. I want to enjoy my last weekday of Spring Break, though.

When it comes to who I truly want, I can't have my way, of course. I have to take into consideration everything that has happened thus far. In retrospect, I think I've ruined everything with my own selfishness; aside from all of the other stuff. Now, I feel as if everything should be the way that I want it to be—how it SHOULD be—but for the sake of becoming unselfish, I guess, I have to act like I'm okay with how it is. Well, no. I never act like anything. In fact, I remind you a lot, and you remind me too. But am I selfish for wanting you to grow some balls, & just be real with yourself and those around you? Okay, "life's not fair," blah, blah, blah, whatever, but if you feel the way that you say you do, you would do it... eventually. Maybe I'm just looking for it too soon. If it happens, you know I'm here. If it doesn't, I'll still be here. I'd just like to think that it'll happen someday—yeah, yeah. Wishful thinking. But, (back to being selfish, lol) in the words of Ryan Leslie, I shouldn't have to wait (good song!).

All of that doesn't really matter to anyone besides me. I just think about it a lot.. I do wonder if things will ever change. but eh. I have to look at what's in front of me. I kinda wonder whether or not it's REALLY in front of me. It seems so temporary, probably because everything is always temporary for that person. So now, I'm kinda out on a limb, and sometimes I think I should be pulling myself away from all of it. But usually, I'm content with everything, so I just don't mind at all. Either way, drama is GAY & I've never liked it, and I'm not about to start acting like I do. I won't say "just leave me out of it," because that's lame, but idk. Maybe it isn't the right time for us to talk. It might just be easier for you if you get rid of the lame ass girls in your life, including myself. Lmao, sucks.. because I'm serious. Leave it alone and focus on you. I hate that you can never really do that.

Well, I'm done. Time to get dressed. Missy's supposed to come like 11. So, until next time. And hey, I want to keep playing this song overr and overrr. I'm not a stripper... lmao, but I do love this. "Throw your ones up in the aiirrrr for herrrr,"








-IJ