System Overload.

I feel like... hm.
What am I really searching for at this point? No clue... but I know I'm trying to find something. I feel so content, and then I start thinking... like "would I be happier if...?" So it's starting to come down to IF. I hateeee 'if'.

Okay, besides that. I don't know if I'm wrong for all of this. I hate that the person who I felt the closest to is so far gone. He is truly somewhere else, and when I try to figure out where he is, or how he got out there, it's pointless. Mind you, my attempts to 'be there' for this person is not for me, at all. I am not doing any of this in vain. However, all of my consideration means nothing to this person. So what I can do besides walk away from it all? I have no problem with doing that, but I hate looking at him knowing that he is so far from the person that I loved him for. I have nothing else to give at this point. I mean, I do, but I can't. I am happy that he is alive & well, and I wish him the best of luck for the future (God bless!)... but I think I have decided that I will not stick around to see how things turn for him. No one could ever truly understand the relationship I had with this person. We know each other better than anyone in this world. That's why I feel this way.

Dramaaaaa. Lol, it deters everything. If I'm in any of it, see how quickly I come out of it. You honestly think that I will stay in a situation that will result in drama? No? You're so right! Think about it... it will get me NO WHERE. It will get THEM NO WHERE, and if you think I'm willing to put myself in drama for one person—you are stoooopiddddd, lmao, and you must not know me too well. So, for the record, I'm not with any of it. You can count me out. Basically, I will always stay true to myself. I will not change to accommodate anyone. Now, I wanna make something clear about that. When I recognize that something is better than what I was doing before, I will adjust for ME—to better myself. However, I am not going to switch up my basic morals to stay in the picture. I am not going to fight for attention, I am not going to show my ass, I am not going to sway my beliefs. If I am worth it to you, it would be a really good idea to let ME know. Otherwise, I will try to interpret things and fix myself on these ideas, which are never really accurate, lmao, but that's what I do when I know NOTHING. I try to figure it out myself! And frankly, so does everyone else. Okay soooo, lol. I just want to know where I am in the picture... if I am even IN the picture, lmao. No hard feelings if I'm not. It's all love over here! And if it has to be like that, well... idk. Unlike other people, I will live—with or without this person. We all have our problems. Blah, blah. ifi'minthewaythenletmeknowwww, lol. Simple as that.
YOU DIGGG?!? lmao, in case you didn't know, I'm hood in real life. Like, fuhrill doe.

Lmao, on a lighter note. Since I haven't blogged in a minute—school has been quite demanding—I'm still trying see what's up for the rest of my life. Lmao. Seriously... I have like so much to decide within the upcoming months. College apps are about to get real serious. I take SATs again. I'm starting look at scholarship jawns. I'm about fail my AP test.. lol. AH, don't remind me. Speaking of which I have to get to wizzork. I have some stuff to do, and I need to shower... lmao! Okay, byeeee niggas. SOKEEPYOURLOVELOCKEDDOWN.

Michael Jackson is KING of this shit! Seriously.


-IJ