Picture This.

PROM 2009

Lol, nutty.

Just a few.
-IJ

Wait...

warning: this will make no sense if you aren't the person I'm adressing. you can scroll down.

Time out:
what is your problem, homeboy? you've been doing you, so why give me a hard time?
i'm over it. yes, you win. i can't argue with you about something that YOU had total control over. you control your actions, not me. WHY/HOW can you possibly be mad at me for that? You're funny money. SERIOUSLY.

IDC:
you can do whatever you like. but don't get mad at me because I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. you want me to be angry, and i'm like.. uh. why? the situation is completely over, and you did what you wanted to. don't even worry about what happened with me, and why i'm not mad. that's not even important. i'm glad that you & homegirl aren't arguing for once, and that you're actually happy & not stressing. (on Friday, at least) duh? is that not something to be happy about? i'm honestly convinced that you would rather me be jealous than to be happy for you, which is sad. you're so used to drama & insecure/clingy girls that you think normality & maturity is abnormal. if you haven't noticed, i'm not like any of the girls you've been around. not trying to brag... just letting you know.

YOU:
HATE the fact that i want you to be happy... with or without me. i wish you weren't like that. that's just me being selfless & considerate. i care about you, but that doesn't mean i have to be selfish. i think you feel obligated to making certain people happy or something, and i'm like... why? you should be able to do what you want, say what you wanna say, and be real about it. as close as we were, i'm not sure why you would treat me like that. you 'missing me' & all that is cool, but this drama shit was never for me.. and i've said that a million times. i really don't know what you want from me at this point, and i'm not asking you for anything... you told me to leave you alone, and I promise I will. pleeeease don't expect me to be in your face, or anything. you asked for it, not me. you HAVE my number, so don't post shit about me on MySpace indirectly. wish you weren't being SO hypocritcal about all of this. you cursed me out? fine. but don't expect anything from me without an apology and an explaination first. i have no clue why any of this happened, and why you are so angry with ME. until you come to me with some kind of reasoning, don't expect much. -_-


fin.

Okay, in other news. lol... i'm enjoying myself lately. there's a picture or two from Prom under THE PHOTOS. i basically got a full scholarship to St. Albans School of Public Service, and I'm g-double-o-d, gooood. (in the words of KiD CuDi lol) Leaving really soon, so I'll be blogging more next week or so. Finals prep & school are my priorities for the time being. Took SATs - i feel really good about my Math, so hopefully my score that reflects that. I love my friends, they areee the best. Bon isn't an asshole anymore, which makes things a lot easier. My brother got a full scholie to GWU, yaaay. Family is proud of us, and I'm really happy with this year. Successful as heeelllllll. Time to go, here's a song. I based my entire blog on this song, lol.



-IJ

Where Love Is Like Breathing.

(watch in HQ, so much better.)

This song means waaay too much to me. I have no clue where the significance comes in.

Naw, I'm lying, I do. I feel like this SO often — wanting to get away... somewhere with the one person who could make me feel beyond overjoyed. Nothing sexual, if that's what you're thinking (you're pretty lame if you were...)

Just being with the person who I couldn't possibly get tired of. Someone to prove everything wrong—all of the stupidity that I grew accustomed to. Not bubbly or fairytale-like, just slightly surreal. Where everything feels somewhat perfect, realistically. (if that makes sense?)

Love should be like breathing. It should be evident, involuntary, and one should be able to embrace every part of it at any & every moment. Well, reality comes in — i guessssss we can't always exert love and accept it at every single moment; but feeling the effortless, magnetic love where everything just falls into place? We all should be able to experience that in our lives, sooner or later. I know I have to. I'd LOVE to be in love that way, and frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

SIDEBAR: This does NOT mean I'm not willing to 'fight for love', or whatever that means. Love should always endure through adversity, and if it doesn't... uh, it ain't love, right? I'm done, lmao. What do I know about love, you say? You're right. Absolutely nothing, but I definitely think love is subjective. So call it what you want.

I should be taking a shower/HW. Thanks blogger, you always do find a way to throw me off, lol. This picture looks awesome on my blog, too.. the one underneath this post.

-IJ

Present, Past, Future.

Memorial Day weekend came and went. It was indeed chill & much needed. I was sick yesterday, but miraculously, lmao, I am completely fine today. Yaaay. My weekend was funnnnn. Friday, I went to Sectionals for track. It was TOO funny. Me and Brittany are a mess together, and then with Sty & Micaela? Too much fun. The track boys are hilarious, and they made everything that much more fun. I heard it was hella fun on Saturday too, but I didn't feel like waking up at 7AM. Track season is over, pretty much. I enjoyed it, a lot.

Saturday was hella fun. First time out with Lane & Bee in a while and first time with Tiff & Mercedes. I wish Ishanna stayed! But, it was soo much craziness all in one car. Riding to the city was funny. Riding around the city was hella funny, and then going back to Jersey was freaking CRAZY. Stupid, yet sooo much fun in retrospect. I honestly miss just being out with all of my best friends. School has cut me off from everything & everyone this year. I MISS MY ITGIRLS the most, though. THEY are the best! Like, all of us together is SO MUCH fun. My best friends Missy & Naj - they work and juggle so much shit. I hardly ever get to just be with them, but last year we were ALWAYS with each other. I so miss it.

This time last year was the best. I had all of ITGIRL best friends, and then my other best friend, Bon. We were SO close. Thick as thieves! lol, So much has changed. I miss the way it was, but I can only embrace now for what it is. I'm grateful for my best friends, and I have Ishanna now, who wasn't there before. I still have Bon, we still have each other, and I'm glad. Yet, I can't help but to wonder, you know? We all do. I have a lot of stuff to focus on, and I'm not looking for a boyfriend. If I were, I don't think I'd settle for anyone other than him, as terrible as that sounds. Well, actually... I mean, if I met anyone who could be better for me than him, I would be willing to. But I'm not looking, and that person isn't around, so I'm good.

Sucks, because I actually wanted things to progress with the one person I was talking to. But, at this point, I'm almost certain that things won't. I'm not going to put effort out, and in return, get a pat on the back. I'm not going to show my ass to get attention, either. I hate when nothing is clear to me, and I have to constantly seek clarification. Like wth, that's retarded. I'm understanding, but I think people have to realize that some things just AREN'T okay. Maybe I was wrong for looking for something more, because based on everything, this person apparently was not interested in that. Shame on IJ? I suppose. Buttt, i'm just wayyyy too bossy. lmao. That's a joke.. but honestly, c'mon. Don't be ambiguous with me. Either it is or it ain't. There really shouldn't be anything in between - that's where I refuse to be.

Well, that covers pretty much everything. PROM IN FOUR DAYS. A little excited... lmao. Okay, I lied. I'm hella stoked & very anxious. Idk, why. Just two weeks ago, I hardly wanted to go... ahahaa. I had a reaally awkward dream about prom that I won't even elaborate on. Gave me the creeps, forreal. Summer is so close, and I love it. i hope this summer loves me back. For once, I may have a decent summer, where everything falls right in place. Going to DC, then when I get back (neverrrr! lol), I'll be working & doing whatever. Plus, California sounds like a go, too. I'm waaaay too stoked.

sidebar: If I pull off THREE more correct answers on SATs than I did last time, I have full-tuition & fees guaranteed at Howard. YAAY! Looks like I might not have to pay for college. I'm at 1140 with Critical Reading & Math combined, I need a 1170 for the scholarship, and I'm aiming for a 1300 for the next scholarship, which covers tuition, fees, & housing. Howard wasn't my first choice, intially, but the money is looking right. holla.

So high, and there is no looking down.

-IJ

LMAO.

Cop forgets national anthem


Straight butchered the National Anthem, though.
ahahahahaahaha.

I am far from poetic.

Why do we settle for sub par?

What is it that inclines us to stay, rather than find something greater? Is it fear that if we search for something greater, our desires may remain unfulfilled? Or are we reaching for something that is unattainable?

What is there to question? Nothing at all. I know what I want. I know what I am searching for, and I'm not in a rush to find it. I would much rather have no one than to have someone who is not right for me. This stupid chase that we all go through disgusts me. When it's right, everything comes together. When it isn't, there's a force between it that pushes you away. Fighting against it only further leads to the realization - THIS is not what I need.

I don't need anyone in my life to hold me back - hence the reason why I have a handful of friends. It is beyond troubling to be at constant unease. I genuinely want to have more friends, who will not hold me back, but advance me to the next stage of my life. At this point, I think it won't happen in high school, at all.

I keep all of this in mind every single day. I need nothing that this society has to offer - this bullshit that people deem normality. I went through more than anyone could imagine throughout my high school years. I became apart of every crowd there is. I won't say "don't judge me," because you will anyway. I am trying to exemplify the essence of real, whether or not anyone thinks I am successfully doing so. I find it hard to fake feelings. Call it what you want.

If I can't see the bigger picture, it means nothing. No one relates to my utmost thoughts. I have the strangest imagination, dreams, goals, and ideals. I have never met anyone who has truly embraced this about me. Yet, this is asking someone to understand things that are incomprehensible.

Inspire me for ONCE. Is there anyone who possibly could? Yes. There is. I met someone who almost completely understood me, which is extremely honorable. But, still in search of...

I climb for me. I reach for me. I do things for me and MY future. I stumble, of course. I slip up, and consider trivial things that surround me, but I always refocus.

I WILL NO LONGER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT I DESERVE.

-IJ

We Become Legendary — Everything We Dreamed Of...

I feel so relieved! I did well today during my speech, and although I am running unopposed, I felt that doing a great speech was absolutely necessary. I had an insane case of stage fright for the longest time. I am really a shy person, deep down inside. However, I felt amazing after my speech—I felt like I could do anything if I wanted to. My brother inspired me in SO many ways, and today was just another example of how much I admire him. He gave me ALL of these pointers, lol. And it worked! It helped me so much today.

So where do I go from here? I got a call today from a woman at St. Albans! They want to hear from me and confirm everything.
SUPER IRONIC, as I typed this first part ^, I decided to call her back. No answe so, I started to send her an e-mail, and then she called me back, and St. Albans JUST got my forms. NOTE, I sent them 4 weeks ago!! You can check the blog.. during Spring Break! -_- I really don't know what happened buttt, it sucks A LOT. I'd hate to not get enough money because of this. I want to go to this program SO badly.

Well, I am okay. Just a little concerned about my summer now. However, I have to remain focused. I have been getting a little distracted lately. Silly me, I know. But I feel good about a lot of things. Includinggggg.. yeah. Him, too. He's making my week a little bit better everyday now, AND I LOVE IT.

My future seems hella bright. Lol, I'm just hoping that it only gets brighter. Now that the majority of my issues are resolved, I have to just wait things out. Prom is soon. My application to the Yardley Commons place is in, and I'm just waiting on that. My finals are coming up, but that's IT. After that, this Junior year will be gone, and you don't even know how excited I am! YAAAAAAAY. It was successful, and Senior year will only get better. Gotta Thank God for everything.

Maybe no one will ever understand why I love this song so much. It puts me somewheree else — a place where this song could actually come true. Lol, I wish; story of my life. I want someone to prove everythingggg wrong. Before, everything that I imagined was him. Okay, well, I didn't dream of having the perfect-Filipino-boyfriend, lol, but that didn't make any difference to me. I just wanted someone to understand me, and accept me for me, no matter what.

But no one is perfect. Even if one tries to be. I know I'm imperfect. I admit to it everyday, and I own up to all of my shit. Yet, I get the SORRIEST explanations as to why I'm not good enough. AH, whatever. I'm like, you crazy. IalreadyknowI'mtoofllyyyyyy.
Quit fronting on me, people. lolllll.

Lol, So I'll post both songs. Prototype & Punch Drunk Love. They're only a song apart on my iPod. Coincidental, I guess.

OKAY! I'm gone. Sit tight, I might give a Prom sneak peak! Lol, not that serious, so I might as well, right?

-IJ