Present, Past, Future.

Memorial Day weekend came and went. It was indeed chill & much needed. I was sick yesterday, but miraculously, lmao, I am completely fine today. Yaaay. My weekend was funnnnn. Friday, I went to Sectionals for track. It was TOO funny. Me and Brittany are a mess together, and then with Sty & Micaela? Too much fun. The track boys are hilarious, and they made everything that much more fun. I heard it was hella fun on Saturday too, but I didn't feel like waking up at 7AM. Track season is over, pretty much. I enjoyed it, a lot.

Saturday was hella fun. First time out with Lane & Bee in a while and first time with Tiff & Mercedes. I wish Ishanna stayed! But, it was soo much craziness all in one car. Riding to the city was funny. Riding around the city was hella funny, and then going back to Jersey was freaking CRAZY. Stupid, yet sooo much fun in retrospect. I honestly miss just being out with all of my best friends. School has cut me off from everything & everyone this year. I MISS MY ITGIRLS the most, though. THEY are the best! Like, all of us together is SO MUCH fun. My best friends Missy & Naj - they work and juggle so much shit. I hardly ever get to just be with them, but last year we were ALWAYS with each other. I so miss it.

This time last year was the best. I had all of ITGIRL best friends, and then my other best friend, Bon. We were SO close. Thick as thieves! lol, So much has changed. I miss the way it was, but I can only embrace now for what it is. I'm grateful for my best friends, and I have Ishanna now, who wasn't there before. I still have Bon, we still have each other, and I'm glad. Yet, I can't help but to wonder, you know? We all do. I have a lot of stuff to focus on, and I'm not looking for a boyfriend. If I were, I don't think I'd settle for anyone other than him, as terrible as that sounds. Well, actually... I mean, if I met anyone who could be better for me than him, I would be willing to. But I'm not looking, and that person isn't around, so I'm good.

Sucks, because I actually wanted things to progress with the one person I was talking to. But, at this point, I'm almost certain that things won't. I'm not going to put effort out, and in return, get a pat on the back. I'm not going to show my ass to get attention, either. I hate when nothing is clear to me, and I have to constantly seek clarification. Like wth, that's retarded. I'm understanding, but I think people have to realize that some things just AREN'T okay. Maybe I was wrong for looking for something more, because based on everything, this person apparently was not interested in that. Shame on IJ? I suppose. Buttt, i'm just wayyyy too bossy. lmao. That's a joke.. but honestly, c'mon. Don't be ambiguous with me. Either it is or it ain't. There really shouldn't be anything in between - that's where I refuse to be.

Well, that covers pretty much everything. PROM IN FOUR DAYS. A little excited... lmao. Okay, I lied. I'm hella stoked & very anxious. Idk, why. Just two weeks ago, I hardly wanted to go... ahahaa. I had a reaally awkward dream about prom that I won't even elaborate on. Gave me the creeps, forreal. Summer is so close, and I love it. i hope this summer loves me back. For once, I may have a decent summer, where everything falls right in place. Going to DC, then when I get back (neverrrr! lol), I'll be working & doing whatever. Plus, California sounds like a go, too. I'm waaaay too stoked.

sidebar: If I pull off THREE more correct answers on SATs than I did last time, I have full-tuition & fees guaranteed at Howard. YAAY! Looks like I might not have to pay for college. I'm at 1140 with Critical Reading & Math combined, I need a 1170 for the scholarship, and I'm aiming for a 1300 for the next scholarship, which covers tuition, fees, & housing. Howard wasn't my first choice, intially, but the money is looking right. holla.

So high, and there is no looking down.

-IJ