Just a thought...

How do I really feel about everything right now?

Hm. Well, I have a lot on my plate. School is almost over, but it isn't over yet. I need to learn a lot of music for band, and I haven't even started. I need to study for the AP exam coming up like asap. I have to figure out how I'm going to get $5,000 in order to go to St. Albans this summer. I need to get a prom dress soon. And I have NO job. And I guess you can say I'm still dealing with a break-up.

AP exam for Chem. UGH! I'm already nervous. But I'm just going to study hard. I can't bitch out now, I'm already done the class. It's just the test I have to worry about. And I guess you can say I've done okay in the class so far...

So idk.. it's hard to say what will happen. But I really want to do well, and the pressure is on. Just gotta do it.

I know, you're probably wondering what St. Albans is. Well, St. Albans is a private school in Washington D.C. . I applied to a summer program there, the School of Public Service, and I got accepted, which is AMAZING. I cried, lol. So, I'll be in Washington D.C. from June 21st to July 18th learning about government, politics, public policy, and all of that. It is like the biggest honor. So I'm preparing—reading the paper everyday, trying to become extremely informed so that I can make the most out of my experience there. This sounds great right? Well, it costs like $5,000, and I'm hoping and PRAYING that the financial aid will cover. I'll probably get money from the school, but if not it'll be tough. So this whole money crisis is quite stressful, and my mom does an excellent job at reminding me how I don't have a job everyday. Trust me, I've tried to get one, but no one wants me! lmao. It's kinda not funny though. Ugh.

Prom? Ugh, I'm not excited for it as much. I have no clue what I'm wearing. My date is like SO not filling me in, and I'm almost 90% sure that I will just say eff it and go alone. It is too much to even stress over. So yea, as of just now, lmao, I am dateless, dressless, and clueless when it comes to this Prom stuff. Don't worry, I don't need a date. Not that big of a deal, and I'm not dying to get a date. I wanted one, and no one asked me, so I asked my ex-boyfriend. He goes to college in North Carolina, so I think it'll be too much for him & me.

Break-up? Hm. It isn't really recent, but things change all of the time. Me & Bonvincent broke up February 15th, and we're still going back & forth. I don't want to get into detail, but basically, we both don't know what we really want. As of right now, I'm okay with how everything is between us, and I'm not going to lie about that. But I'm still doing my own thing, no matter what happens between us. I've made up my mind, and I have to do things for me. I am talking to someone, and I reaaaallllyyy like talking to that person. I'm not willing to risk the relationship I have with him because of Bonvincent's confusion. However, I am willing to love Bon no matter what happens. He has been my best friend for a year, probably the best friend I've ever had, and I couldn't abandon one of my best friends.

Haha—that reminded me of that catchy & annoying Drake song, "Best I Ever Had". I keep listening to it... pretty weird:

Best I Ever Had - Drake

So this is where I am right now. I did pretty well on my SATs, and I am very relieved (1650). I have a lot to be excited about and I have a lot to focus on.
Hard work. No excuses.
-IJ

First Blog.

Well, this is my first post. So bear with me. lol.

I'm not sure how to really go about everything, but I'll start off my introducing myself. I'm Imani. I don't think my last name is necessary. Almost everyone I know calls me IJ—my initials. I live and love in New Jersey. I am a Junior in high school, and I plan on going away to college. If I get my way, I'll be going here! University of California: San Diego is my dream school. I love Southern California, it's probably my first love.

Besides all of that, I have a simple life & I'm learning to cherish it. I have everything in my life that I could possibly need. I don't have a lot of friends, and I love it that way. I have like three or four good friends, not including myself. I think I'm my own best friend. No one could possibly understand me more than myself. lol, and as nutty as that sounds, it's the truth. Describing me is SO not easy. I can't come up with ONE word, or a few words to truly sum me up.
First, I'm a serious student. When it comes to school, I take almost everything seriously. I came to this huge realization like last year: School sucks ASS, but how well I do in school will ultimately dictate the rest of my life. My thoughts are—I can't afford to ruin my life so soon. I have everything that I've ever imagined & dreamed of waiting for me—and I'm the biggest brat; I still whine &/or complain whenever I don't get my way, lol. So with these thoughts as my motivation, I try to work harder than the person next to me. I never want to fall in line with everyone who is just trying to get by. I'm doing all of this to excell, not to do average and end up settling for what life hands me. Truthfully, before this realization, I was the biggest slacker. I've always been smart (not to brag), but I never applied myself. Despite everything that everyone tried to instill in me, I only came to realize all of this through my friendship/relationship with Bonbon.

sidebar: Bon is my ex-boyfriend. He is the epitome of a dedicated student, and he inspired me to be the same way. Everyone makes him out to be this straight-A robot, but he isn't. He's a normal person, just like anyone else.

Okay, so aside from school and all of that, I love music, just like anyone else. Only difference is that I've been playing flute for almost 8 years now. Label me a band geek, i really don't care. 99.8% of the time, listening to music makes me happy, or at least makes me feel better. I have 3,000+ songs on both of my iPods combined, and I listen to a lot of stuff. Yes, I am typical in a way. I listen to hip-hop, & the shitty ass R&B they have out these days. But I love alternative rock, reggae and dancehall, techno, house, electronica, neo-soul, jazz, and sometimes pop. Uh, I have a long list of faves, but all you really need to know right now is that I love KiD CuDi. Of course, KanYe, Lupe, Common, and N.E.R.D. I have too many Amerie, Kelis, & Daft Punk songs on my iPod, lol. andddd I love A Tribe Called Quest, Feist, Coldplay, Cartel, Jill Scott, Floetry, Erykah Badu, Mos Def & Talib Kweli, John Legend, Musiq, Outkast, Gwen Stefani, Adele, Paramore, The Roots, Lauryn Hill, Sade, Ryan Leslie, Keri Hilson (before the hype), and all that. I know I'm forgetting a few, but oh well.

So yea. Um, I have a close little family. I am the only girl & middle child, which sucks a lot. I'm older now though, so it isn't that big of a deal. I'm a drive-a-holic. I can't wait until I get my license. And I LOVE FOOD. Food is the key to my heart. No scratch that, food has my heart, lmao. I eat everything, almost. I love snacks and cupcakes. Onlyyyy the home baked cupcakes.. not like pre-packaged crap. I live for bake sales. And I love love love Cranberry or CranApple juice. What can I say? A fat girl needs love too. I also have a thing for fashion. Not as much as before, but I'd like to say I have a great sense of style. It's just another way to express yourself, so I try not to hold anything against those who lack it. Usually, people who don't have style express themselves differently, like through art or music or whatever. I'm just glad I can express myself in several ways. And lastly, I like writing. I like photography too, but I'm not trying to prove myself in MySpace pictures... so yea. I have a lot of different interests, and I'm not sure if that's interesting per se, but I guess it is what it is... lol, not to be hood or anything. lmao. Did I mention that I was a huge goof ball? My jokes are always lame, and I always laugh at myself. Not afraid to do so. I hate when people are like always extra serious alllll the time. Like, loosen up! We're only teenagers.


Hope this whole thing introduces me well. (:
-IJ