In Search of Sully.

Man.

I hate that my mind is still stuck on this. It is so overdue, and I am past the little empty emotions that this situation brought. I hold on to some things, though. I have every reason to let go - move on - learn from this... and to an extent, I have. But why can't I have the same power switch embedded in my brain to turn off my feelings, emotions, thoughts, memories, blahh, blahh, etc.
Why must I be so... human? If I were just another, superficial guy... I wouldn't have these issues. I think that without this, though, I'd be a douche. I'm not a DOUCHE - nor will I ever be one. I want my stomach and my face to stop getting all hot when I read/hear that you're actually moving on... unlike me. I try! Honestly, I am always looking forward to never looking back, but everything is harder for me. My brain, especially. It doesn't know how to function properly, I'm convinced.

I am psycho jawn #12526. I say this because I KNOW I am not the only person in the world with these feelings. I have a lot of bad habits, and boys can become them, too. Therefore, overcoming them isn't always easy, and I am experiencing that. I just want it to all go away, just to know how it feels to have a heart free of regret, disdain, rejection, misunderstandings, and hopeless romanticism. Gosh, I hate my guts.

So tonight, I'll make it without you. Of course... but I want to be able to say that without lying to myself, or forcing the words out of me. I want that shit to pass, because evidently, this feeling is far from mutual, and that's the worst part. I do know how detrimental this "dwelling" shit is, but I only dwell when I'm alone. If I'm occupied, it won't cross my mind. But when it does, it's rough. Crash landing type thing- and I just want a Sully Sullivan to save me, even when it seems improbable. That's all I need.

In fact, screw the douche who ruined my flight. I just need the person to make it better. That'll do it. Now, I'm gonna sleep this off. I love blogging.

Btw, Sully is Liz's best friend on my faaaaaavorite MTV reality series: My Life as Liz. He was the dorky best friend who had a major crush on her, but didn't find the courage to tell her. Despite this, he was an awesome friend and always looked out for her. He was the shit for that, and so this almost has a double meaning. Not almost. It does.

Did I mention she took him to prom? ^_^

-IJ

Lou-will-ville.

Man, I wish things were slightly skewed in my favor when it comes to you. I sort of hate your guts. Hm.

This week is finally over. It was nice, don't get me wrong... I ABSOLUTELY LOVED coming in 3 hours late. I just want some time to rest & see my Mom. She started work this week, and the hours make it impossible for me to see her at nights. I kinda miss her, a lot. We txt like allll the time, now. Cool, right?

So I had a great night last night! I finally made it to a Sixers Game, and it was completely freeeeeeee. Yes, it was like a late birthday gift. So, I enjoyed it, and I should be getting to a few more games before the season's over. I must. Plus, Lou Williams is my favorite, and seeing him made my whole month. :D

I'm getting back to the routine, though. Not so much lazy, and still working things out when needed. So, yea, this year should be a great one. Spring is coming, and I've been waiting for it to come alllll winter.

Lastly, I am in a bit of a prom date crisis. I have no clue who I could possibly take to my prom, and the situation looks bleak. I already went dolo last year, which was mediocre. Icantnothaveadateformyseniorprom. It would suck major d. Sooo, yes. I neeed helpppp.

I love this, though. Life is better now that I've found you! (:
It's a Nora Jones & Q-tip song. Lol.


-IJ


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Never Ending Times

You would think that I would be a little more motivated during HSPA week, right? Well, I am far from that. I am the laziest human being in the world. I am slightly repulsed by my own lethargy. I am sick with the -itis. Senioritis, that is.

My thoughts are scattered. My bad habits are intensified. My time management skills have exponentially decreased. Basically, I am a 17 year old toddler. Minus the diaper changes. -___-

It's gay. I hate it. I feel unproductive each and everyday of the week. The basketball season has just been extended, so I'm living day-to-day as far as scheduling goes. It's ALWAYS suttin' else. I can't ever just clear my thoughts and chill with some quality me time afterschool. Just another school day +3 to 6 additional hours. It is eating away at my BRAIN. November 26ish to Forever. Basketball never dies, apparently. So I'm like, somewhat sick with the 24hr/7days a week basketball flu. I am so sick of it.

But, you know what? I will miss that freaking sport, more than anything else. It has brought me through a lot of personal realizations. I've become tight as hell with 15 or so girls who allllll do it for the love of the game. And I guess that's the reason why I've stuck around, even while superglued to the bench.

My desire and passion to master everything has put me in the weirdest positions. I just want things to work out without driving myself insane in the meantime. I hate spazzing. I hate stressing. I wanna relax more than anything else in this world. So I've just kinda talked myself into becoming less of a lazy ass and doing some of this work now. Good Nighty.

sidebar: I'd like to lose 10lbs. I will by May.

-IJ



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone